Friday, April 18, 2014

NBA Playoffs Theme (With A Bozo Twist)

The Bozo’s have made no secrets of their disdain for the NBA this season.  Teams throwing games, stars sitting out, arrests, injuries, and Andrew Bynum.  While they may see a few seconds here or there of these Playoffs (because they drag on for 7 months), this song sums up their feelings.  Sure, they have BASKETBALL in their name (@BasketballBozos), but they tend to ignore that.  Sit back, enjoy, and sing along.  We present, “I’m Not Watching The Playoffs”.  #ENJOY


I’m not watching the Playoffs; they are on too late, on every weeknight date.
I’m not watching the Playoffs; for I need my sleep, and to binge-watch Veep.

Stephen Curry, John Wall, 
Dribbling the Basketball, 
Bombing three’s, getting T’s, where is J.R. Smith?
Heat, Clips, Raptors, 
Bunch of Flopping Actors, 
Birdman has Tatted Neck, 
Seriously, What the Heck?
Bunch of crappy East-seeds, 
Larry Sanders loves his weed, 
Tanking, Losing, Wig or Park or bust.
OKC with Chemistry, 
Healthy-Looking Westbrook Knee,
KD is the MVP, but what is the BFD?

I’m not watching the Playoffs; games start way too late, what if I’m on a date?
I’m not watching the Playoffs; Heat will play the Pacers, stab me with a tracer.

Bosh with the Ostrich Face, 
Rose on bench is out of place, 
Timeout after Timeout, Games never end.
Big Baby weighing very much, 
Dirk is the King of Clutch, 
Lowry, Ellis, Klay and Dwight, 
Who hits Blake and starts a fight?
Taking charges, but they’re flops, 
Whining to refs, it never stops,
Stars getting calls, on batted balls, 
stinky, smelly league.
Cliff Paul on TV’s everywhere, 
The ad makes me pull out my hair, 
Then set fire to a chair, 
Here, There and Everywhere.
Teams will win, and I’ll drink gin, 
with a Baker, name of Vin,
Sin, Bin, Jin, Flynn, 
Quinn, Pin, Tin, Berlin.
So watch the games, if you’d like, 
just don’t wake me for Conley, Mike
NBA?  Playoff day?   
No thank you, please go away.

I’m not watching the Playoffs; games go on and on, until the break of dawn,
I’m not watching the Playoffs; I’m old & surly, with hair that’s curly.

I’m not watching the Playoffs; the league is rigged & fixed, unless you’re on the Knicks.
I’m not watching the Playoffs; I’m snoozin’ on my couch, hands on my nugget pouch….

EP136: NBA Unplugged- Playoff Breakdown With Snottie Drippen

James was unable to break down the playoffs with me.  I had to do the next best thing.  Grab another guy named James, aka Snottie Drippen.  Bare with our minor technical difficulties (damn you snowball mic) but we got the show rolling and brought down the house with our analysis of the first round match ups.

As always, tweet at us:  @probskblltalk @james_bucklin @jacobnnoble

Listen after the jump

Big Book O' Playoff Stuff: Western Conference In Haiku

I already covered (poorly) the 1st round matchups in the Eastern conference (or should I say, LEASTERN Conference, amirite?). Let's shift our lens to the main course, the brawls of the Western Conference.  If the Eastern conference is a Janet Jackson nip slip, the West is a high budget Evil Angel adult movie starring Asa Akira and Lisa Ann. Every single matchup is bulging with story lines and oil covered intrigue. Let's begin:

(1) Spurs vs (8) Mavericks

Relentless as Time,
Duncan and Dirk still roll on,
Monta shoot it all.

3 Questions:

1) Does Rick Carlisle have enough in his bag of tricks to deploy Monta Ellis and Dirk Nowitzki (combined 40.7 ppg, 9.8 rpg, 8.4 apg) efficiently enough to add to some drama to this 1-8 pairing?

2) Can Kawhi Leonard overcome having braids with millisecond hang time in 2014 to be the player he has shown he could be in last year's playoffs (13.5 ppg, 9 rpg, 40% 3 pt, rugged defense)?

3) Will any Spur play more than 30 mpg in this series?

Dallas Keys To Winning:
Get Dirk rolling early and often; no Spur should be able to guard him (Kawhi can do a "Stephen Jackson in '07" type job). Keep Samuel Dalembert out of foul trouble. Pray.

Prediction: Spurs in 5

Big Book O' Playoff Stuff: Eastern Conference In Haiku

Playoff basketball is coaching adjustments and the stars who defy them.
          NBA writer Myles Brown (@mdotbrown) 

82 games. Each team has bled, sweat, clawed, stumbled, soared, swore at, elbowed, and flopped their way through almost 6 months of the 82 game season. The 16 most worthy squads are now girding their loins to wage fierce battle amongst each other until deep into the dog days of summer. A champion shall be crowned, and lo, bottles shall be popped in Liv, or some other place where Drake can take pictures wearing the winning teams jersey over his rayon button up.

So now it begins. 1st team to 16 Ws will be immortalized. Will Miami enter the 3-Peat Valhalla? Can the Spurs avenge Ray Allen's soul crushing, nightmare-inducing 3 pointer? Can OKC finally scale the heights of champions and rid themselves of the sour taste of that 2012 Finals smackdown? Is Houston a legitimate challenger to the Western powerhouses?

Never fear, James is here to guide you through the dangerous playoff tropes and myths. Let's take a look at what's to come:

(1) Pacers vs (8) Atlanta

Teague and Millsap cook,
Paul George avoid strip clubs,
Turner speaks Kermit.

3 Questions:

1) Do Lance Stephenson and Evan Turner get into a fistfight on the court over possessions while Danny Granger watches from the rafters like Sting?

2) Can Paul George (shot less than 41% in every month of 2014) and Roy Hibbert (5.3 ppg, 3.2 rpg, 23.5% fg% in April, 1 double digit rebound game since February 27th) pull their heads out of their asses?

3) How much does Coach Budenholzer drink and cry when he wonders how much better his Hawks would have looked with Al Horford (18.6 ppg, 8.4 rpg, 22.08 PER in his 29 games)?

Hawks Key to Victory:

Roy Hibbert collapses into a blubbering mass of self doubting jello in the middle of game 1 after going 0-8 and somehow -7 rebounds in the 1st quarter. Elton Brand finds a time machine. Pero Antic reveals he's Kratos. David West Goldberg-spears a ref after a bad call and is sent to play in North Korea.

Prediction: Pacers in 5
Wednesday, April 16, 2014

TPBT Awards: Coach Of The Year

The coach of the year is the award to be taken with a grain of salt.  Coaches change teams so often that it is rare to see a coach, even a good one, with a long tenure with any ball club.  This is why we are impressed with the man, Gregg Popovich who has been with the Spurs since I started watching basketball.   Just to prove to you, only 4 coaches have coached over 400 games with their current team; Gregg Popovich (Spurs), Rick Carlisle (Mavericks), Erik Spoelstra (Heat) and Scott Brooks (Thunder).  Monty Williams (Hornets) and Tom Thibodeau (Bulls) are the next longest tenured coaches just over the 300 games coached with their teams.  Anyways, here are our picks for the Coach of the Year.

Dwane Casey – Jacob Noble

I can’t argue with the consensus pick for Coach of the Year being Gregg Popovich considering his team continues to land the number one seed and best record every year, despite the growing moaning of NBA beat writers saying the Spurs are too old.  However, I have to decide between two coaches who really stepped up their games this year; Jeff Hornacek (Suns) and Dwane Casey (Raptors).  Hornacek did an amazing job out in Phoenix with a lottery bound team, almost making the playoffs.  I have to give the nod to Dwane Casey, who won the Atlantic Division, over two teams that were picked to be Eastern Conference contenders (although I disagreed about the Knicks) and a new GM who shook up the roster throughout the season.  Casey still managed to get this ball club playing hard and convinced them they could compete with the best.  His role in the development of DeMar DeRozen did not go unnoticed by me and that is why I have to give my vote to Dwane Casey.
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